A home full of love must be earned
"A fit body, a calm mind, a house full of love. These things cannot be bought - they must be earned." — Naval Ravikant
Like many others, I moved back home during the pandemic. While I do have strong relationships with my family, in the past year we’ve definitely still had our share of conflicts and dramas and emotional blow ups. Setting off points of tension is just what families seem to do best.
Sometimes the conflicts started off small then bubbled into bigger fights, like the time my mom and I spent hours arguing about how to properly wash white socks (plot twist: it wasn't really just about the white socks). Or when my brother and I had to have a serious negotiation about snack ownership as he called out my habit of taking from his stash (what? he has excellent snack taste).
Sometimes the conflicts were serious, complex, and deeply sensitive. Like the tearful debate we had on setting house rules to navigate the gripping anxiety around someone possibly bringing home COVID. Or the family meeting when we tried to convince my dad to stop working and be safe at home. Or when I finally told my mom that I no longer identify as Catholic.
However big or small these fights were, the sobering reminder is that each time we made it through the rumbles. Despite our stubbornness, our misunderstandings, our psychological buttons being pushed, we still found it in ourselves to communicate, apologize, and forgive.
Right beside our modest pile of bickering and old wounds is our pile of abundant I love yous and the echoes of laughter around the dinner table. There is nothing I value more than those moments when we get it right.
I find that Brené Brown defines this experience best:
"A rumble is a discussion, conversation, or meeting defined by a commitment to lean into vulnerability, to stay curious and generous, to stick with the messy middle of problem identification and solving, to take a break and circle back when necessary, to be fearless in owning our parts, and, as psychologist Harriet Lerner teaches, to listen with the same passion with which we want to be heard."
The capacity to rumble requires ongoing inner work of being self-aware, emotionally intelligent, and courageous enough earn a home full of love time and time again.
Whenever I find myself hurt, disappointed, and impatient, I remind myself that loving is the hardest work we'll ever do.
Grateful for the privilege to do it.
— Katrina
